|Back in 2006|
Oh! I totally forgot to mention my awesome news. So I was talking to Marilyn (Blake's stepmom) and was asking her what gym she goes to, how much it costs, how long she works out and so on. Well I googled the gym and looked at it's information and I could go with her on the weekends for $5 because it's basically a daily visit and since she's a member, I could go for $5. Yay! I'm happy because now I'll have someone to go to the gym with...on occasion. I still want to get weights and home and a treadmill but I love going to gyms. I just never had anyone to really go with me. I went with, I think, Sara or Velma one time to In-Shape and it was awesome. I loved doing the weights and the treadmills. All of that. It's nice. So I'm happy to know that I'm going to be able to go to one every now and then and only pay $5. I hope they'll let me go like every other weekend so I don't have to pay the $40 a month.
One of the things I need to start changing though is what I eat. I know it's going to be really REALLY hard to wean myself off of soda but I'm going to try. I have a little water bottle at home that I'm going to start taking to work with me so I can fill it up with water for when I go home and workout. Personally I don't like how our tap water tastes so I'd prefer to just bring water home lol. Also, I'm going to start making smoothies since Marilyn bought us a blender. Hehe. I looked up different recipes but found out that Weight Watchers has little smoothies packets. They are $6 for a box of 10 packets. Marilyn is going to let me take one home to try it out and see if I like it and then I can just go to the Weight Watchers place down the road and pick some up. I figure it would be cheaper to do that than to buy a ton of fruit and have it go to waste. Mainly because the recipes I've seen are for 2 people, not one. So it would really be a waste.
Another thing I need to do is get new workout pants cause my workout pants I have now, that I've had since 8th grade....don't fit :( . It's horrible. I tried them on last night because Blake was going to go on a walk with me and well they didn't fit. I was very disappointed. Actually I'm very disappointed in myself for letting myself get like this. When I was with my first boyfriend I was wearing a size 12 and now I'm not. This is the BIGGEST I have EVER been and it's depressing. A lot of the time I sit at home and cry or even on the way home from places, I cry. I hate looking at myself in the mirror. I try to straighten my hair and wear make up to make myself feel prettier but deep down I just feel fat and ugly. Even at work with the guys who are on supplements and working out and with my boss being tiny and my co-worker being smaller than me, it makes me depressed. They don't see how I feel when I'm at work because I hide it but there are times when they talk about bigger people that I'm sitting there sad because it's almost like they are talking about me.
I will post some before (when I was skinnier) and after (when I got fatter) pictures in this post as well. It's pretty sad that I've let myself go like this. I was very conscious about my weight back with the first boyfriend, yet I look at the pictures of me back then and I'm just like wow, that was me and I looked good! Now I just look at pictures of me and rip them up or I untag myself from them (if they're on facebook). I can't stand to have pictures taken of me now because of how I look. Anyway, I'll post those pictures up (as much as I hate to) and let you guys see the pain.
Back to a positive note: I'm working out tonight!! yeppers!