Friday, January 21, 2011

My Life: Explained in Detail

Okay so for those of you who don't really know me or for those that "think" they know me but really don't. Here's my life in short form..Then I'll go into details.
  • I'm Self Conscious
  • I'm Loving
  • I'm actually pretty shy
  • Not outgoing
  • Likes Traveling
  • Has Low Self-Esteem
  • Bubbly Personality
  • Kind
  • A Good Friend
  • Animal Lover
  • Car Lover

Pretty much that sums my life up. Well almost. I'll go into details on each bullet. Starting with the first and sixth. I'm pretty much self conscious of the way I look. I've always been overweight and I've always been teased about it. Got told in a high school history class when I was a Sophomore or Junior, "When are you due?" by a guy named Alec, who wasn't skinny either. Pretty much growing up I was made fun of how much bigger I was compared to my cousin, who has always been tiny. That being sad, I have not had a good relationship with some members in my family. It's hurtful when other kids tell you you're fat or that you don't look good but it's another thing when your family tells you. So that has a lot to do with why I'm so self conscious and why I have low self esteem.

Another thing people don't know about me is that I was in an abusive relationship with my first "real" boyfriend. I don't count Alex as a "real" boyfriend because we only dated for 13 days. (yes, I remember). Craig was my first real boyfriend and he pretty much ruined my life. I dated him for a year and half and that was way too long for me to ever date anyone that was that abusive. No, he wasn't really physically abusive, he was verbally abusive. I got called everything for ugly to B***h. I got told that if I wore my light colored jeans again that he'd rip them up because they look horrible on me. One time he got really mad and threw my cell phone at me and it hit my calf and left a huge bruise. Other times he destroyed stuff was when he got mad and punched a hole in the wall above the computer desk. Another time when he was mad he threw a glass from the computer desk into the kitchen and it hit the wall (leaving a hole) and smashing the glass into pieces. Yeah, no one really knows all of what happened when I dated him because I was too ashamed to tell anyone and those I told, didn't really care. They still thought he was a pretty good guy. No, he wasn't. He cheated on me numerous times. I know so because I saw his instant messages from some girl saying that she had fun coming over and spending the night (the night that was his birthday and I had made him dinner and dessert) and then another time was when I saw his facebook up on my laptop and he had been talking to this 16 year old in Ripon about coming over to take a shower with him. Yes, I was cheated on, verbally abused and yet, stayed with him. I know better now not to ever get with someone like that again. He ruined my life, my esteem, everything about me. The worst hit when he started abusing my cat. I got her as a gift from him and I loved her (ok not from the beginning) but he started abusing her. He'd get mad when she'd go under the bed and he'd throw her at the wall. The worst was when she got on the bed and started eating my sandwich, which it was my fault I left it on the bed, well I just shooed her way and he got mad and ran after her and she of course, hissed at him and he hated that. So he ended up chasing her into the bathroom and she jumped into her little cube bed that my mom got her and he pushed it down and started punching the bed. I pushed him and told him to leave her alone. So of course he's all steaming mad and gets in my face and holds up a fist, so I did the same thing. I'm like go ahead and hit me because I won't hold back from hitting you. So after that I took her and left. Since then I have basically been scarred. I try not to think about those crappy days. I'm just thankful I got out of that relationship and that I have Sissy safe and sound with me.

Moving on..I'm loving, kind and a good friend. I'm loving because I love to cuddle, I absolutely love my boyfriend, cat and family. I'm kind because I let people get in front of me in traffic, I help truckers move over in front of me if they aren't really sure they have room, I hold the door open for people (even if that means I don't get a thank you) and I'm just overall kind. I'm a good friend because I'm there for you when you need someone to talk to, if you want my advice I give it, if you just want someone to go hangout with you at the mall and not buy a thing, I'm that girl. I'm a good friend but always get screwed out of having good friends. Weird.

To sum up the rest so this isn't super long. I love cats, I love horses, I love pretty much any animal! I'm just an animal lover. I'm a car lover because I fell in love with working on cars/trucks thanks to my dad. I love traveling even though I don't get to do it that often. I have a bubbly personality because I'm hyper and I just am a goober. ^_^ Even though I have a bubbly personality, I'm not outgoing and I'm shy. Those who know me are thinking right now "No, she's not". Well I actually am. When I'm around a big group of people, I'm shy. When it's someone new, I'm shy. 

Pretty much that sums up my life. :D


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