Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Time to Start Kicking My Butt!!!

It's funny how watching an MTV show can inspire you. I just watched an episode of "I Used To Be Fat" and I feel like tonight I should go for a walk! It's crazy how those things work. I've been wanting to workout and start losing weight. It's pretty much been a struggle for me since I was little. I've always been the fat kid in my family and got teased a lot for it. I was judge from the time I was little up till I was a Senior in High School. One guy in my class even had the nerve to ask me if I was pregnant. "How far along are you?". 

Dealing with being heavy is not something easy. You get called names, looked at weird, you can't have a social life and it restricts you from doing things that you want to do. I know for me that I wasn't really that self-conscious when I was a Freshman but around the time I was a Senior, things change. Especially after high school things got different.

When I first moved out things were different. I ended up losing weight and fitting into a size 12 jean. I was working 40+ hours a week at a grocery store as a bagger and then going to school at the same time. My life was stressful and busy! There was absolutely no time for food. Now that I look back at those years and compare to the last couple years it's way different. I work as a receptionist now and I sit down all the time and hardly move around. Then I go home and cook dinner or get fast food if I'm too lazy and then it just goes further down hill.

I know I need to make a change. Eat less, work out, watch what I'm eating. All of that stuff. It's all stuff I know I NEED to do but I feel like I need more support than I am getting. I love my boyfriend to death but when it comes to me trying to workout and lose weight, he's not there. I know he thinks about the same stuff that I do because he's mentioned how he's gained weight and how he wishes he was as small as he was in high school (wish I had been that small back then :P ). So I know he would like to be smaller it's just that when I want him to workout with me, he doesn't want to, he's tired. It's like I need someone there that's going to workout with me and be willing to change. I want that support. I want him to be wanting to do this challenge with me. I can't just try to workout and diet with him having all this good, yummy food in the house. It's just hard.

I know things need to change though, for me anyway, because I'm tired of looking at myself in the mirror. I'm depressed more, I don't have any friends, I don't like going to car meets anymore because I see all of the other girls and I get self-conscious.  It's just stuff like that that brings me down. It needs to change. I'm tired of crying over how I look. I am just going to need a lot of support and help.

I'm going to start making fruit smoothies for breakfast. (And no, not the fatty ones..the sugar free and low fat ones). Luckily google is amazing and I found two good recipes for smoothies and since I got a lovely blender for Christmas I might as well put it to work. It's funny how I can type all of this out but I can't tell anyone how I feel, what's going on in my life. I probably figure hardly anyone will read this. Anyway, I'm going to start working out again. Whether that be walking down the road and back or doing the Wii fit or even doing Just Dance 2. Hopefully doing that everyday will help and I guess I'll just be sure to watch what I'm eating and try not to eat too late.

I just want to say one more thing before I go...If you read this and can lead your support let me know! Thanks!

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